So originally I was going to make my next blog post about deciding what has meaning to you and the fact that nothing is inherently meaningful. I have decided to put those ideas on hold to write this blog post. Which may not have pictures in it till I have found some more suitable ones from the ones I still have yet to upload (from oh so long ago).
Anyway, Today I am going to talk about a realization I have had rather recently and something that has been dwelling deep within me for quiet some time. Being human and female (though I am not dis-acknowledging that males deal with this just as much as females) I have been told from birth that I have to conform to this social beauty norm otherwise I am unworthy. I have been made to feel like nothing I do is good enough and pitted against my fellow females in this horrible contest of who is more fuck-able.
I have realized that my self esteem has plummeted to the depths Titantic could only dream of. I didn't realize till recently how much of an affect that has had on my life. I have come to the realization that I will never find that fairytale love if I see myself as the wicked witch or the deformed hunchback character. Sadly I can say for a fact that I am most certainly not alone in this problem. Every single person I know has some inadequacy issue for something or other and its ridiculous. It is stupid to let the world tell you that you are not good enough. Who decides this? What is considered good enough? Comparing yourself to anyone else in this world is a ridiculous thing that we all do. Every human on this planet is different. We all have different perceptions of reality and what we deem as good enough (though we never seem to include ourselves in this ideal).
My goal right now is to increase my own self esteem and help those around me do the same. I realized that no one is going to love me or see my potential till I love myself. How can I expect people to see something I cannot?
How do I plan to fix years of conditioning? Well I am going to completely reprogram my brain. I am going to destroy the neural highways that instantly think "God I'm fat" when I look in the mirror and instead build new roads to " damn I'm sexy" and "Hey baby" *wink* *wink*. I am going to work on accepting the things I cannot change about myself and work on things that I don't like that are change-able (like being healthier).
This is going to be a long road but I am optimistic. (Of course it helps talking to my roommate and having her tell me that she thinks if anyone can completely rewrite their brain it would be me- Yay support!). I am excited to feel better about myself and even more excited to kill the cycles I have been going through my whole life. I am committed 100% to raising mine and those around me self esteems and trying to create a more realistic and positive perspective of the world around me.
I admit that I feel quiet silly looking in the mirror and telling myself how awesome I am but I will continue to make myself do it till I believe it. I hope everyone can learn to love themselves for the beautiful people they are. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and this whole "standard" of beauty that we have inflicted on ourselves is something I just cannot stand behind anymore. I am beautiful damn it, I may never be in any magazines and I might never be considered the "pretty one" out of my friends but I am awesome. I fucking care about people and am aware of myself and how my actions affect the world. I am careful to tread lightly on this world and genuinely want to help people. I do the best I can in every circumstance and always try to do what my heart tells me is right. I have a strict self imposed moral code and I live my life to its fullest. I love destroying norms and am in the process of building a wonderful perception of my own happy world. Life is wonderful and I can do anything. I have made it through many tough times but I am not angry about it I am happy to have the experiences I have had. They made me the person I am today. I know that no matter what happens I can and will pull through! The wonderful thing about all this is that everyone and anyone can live like this. It costs nothing. Love is free. I love you!
