Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say....

For many of you who know me in real life you probably know what fueled this post....

It seems to me that the concept of the "little white lie" has gotten wildly out of hand. Of course I am all about dealing with situations compassionately however, there is such a thing as ....oh how can I put this....Lying your pants off. Also people seem to think that by leaving information out or just not mentioning it they are not lying. This is a terrible idea that will get you into just as much trouble as straight up lying.

Your spoken word has power. When you make plans with someone it is only polite to tell the truth. The truth about what time you are available. The truth about wanting to actually hang out and also the truth about plans changing. In example... Making plans only to be unreachable the day of said plans is lying. If you say you are going to do something then do it. If for some reason you can't then own up to it and tell the person. I can tell you that 99% of the time I am ever mad at anyone is when they break plans with me and fail to let me in on what is going on. It is among the worst feelings in the world to wait around for a phone that is never going to ring. Especially when it would be so easy to call and just say "Hey I can't make it today."

It seems to me one of the biggest instigators of lying is when peoples feelings are at stake. We tend to want to please everyone all the time. Realizing that this is simply and impossible task is the first step. Being responsible and telling the truth in the first place is the only way to minimize possible upset. One example of this that comes to mind is not leading people on romantically. When you are upfront about how you feel and where you are then things are less likely to become confusing and also the persons involved are less likely to feel misled. If you say first off "I don't want a relationship" or "I like you but not that way" of course the person who has feelings for you is going to be a little disappointed but it's MUCH better then several months later finding out after they have had time to get their hopes up.

The ability to communicate is one of the world biggest gifts and responsibilities. Lack of communication is just as bad as misleading someone. When you leave out parts of information thinking that the other person will never know the difference and then said person finds out that you left something out....that seems fishy doesn't it. Even if it is really nothing. Say you want to go hang out with a friend of the opposite sex who you have no interest in sexually. Your boyfriend/girlfriend asks what you did last night. You say "Just went out with a friend." You intentionally avoid putting a gender on said friend because you are worried your significant other will think you cheated on them. Then later they find out who you went out with. They are much more likely to get upset because they are going to wonder why you left out that one little detail.  People can be remarkably understanding when you are honest in the first place.

Now I completely understand that sometimes fessing up can seem terrifying and really you would rather not deal with it. Unfortunately it's your own fault for not being careful enough with your words in the first place. This is why you must always be mindful of what you say and how you act around others. Try not to double book yourself and always be considerate of other peoples schedules. Your life will become much less complicated when you don't have to keep track of a thousand little lies.

People are far to often careless with their words. I feel that this is one of those things that can be easily changed and make the world a much better place. Honesty is always the best way to go about things. It is apart of doing your best in all instances. When you are honest you can feel better about yourself because you don't have to fear someone finding out your secret.

Live Your Life With Nothing to Regret

I'm going to share a revelation I have made this past year. You are your own worst enemy. You are your own judge, jury and executioner. It is funny how easily we will forgive the people we love yet how hard it is to forgive yourself. Do yourself a favor and forgive yourself for the times in your past that you regret. It's time to realize that everyone makes mistakes. Holding onto needless guilt (and believe me all guilt is needless) is a waste of time and energy. Berating and punishing yourself every single time you remember the thing you regret is not justice. Learn your lesson and move on with your life. That is what life is about. Experience, good and bad. There is nothing to regret if you took something away from the situation. Even when you feel your life is falling apart there is always beauty to be found. Even when you think nothing will ever be the same you have something to look forward to. A new day can bring with it so many possibilities as long as you let it. We create our own reality and it is our responsibility to create a world that is livable.

Take time to enjoy the world around you. This is something I have been sort of fighting with my coworkers about. They just can't understand why I can be so upset about getting more hours at work. The thing is that I value my free time more then I value really anything else. I like to live my life. I work only so I can support myself in society. Otherwise my job is not my life. I don't want it to be my life and I will never allow it to consume me. Yes money is nice and being able to afford the things I want is great but things are not experiences I won't learn anything from having a new coat or whatever it is I want. This is another reason why I am so willing to spend the money I do have on others. I would rather go have lunch with a friend and chat for hours then use that extra five to seven dollars on something for myself. There is no amount of money that can make up for losing time.

For some reason it seems that the idea of fun is something that is reserved for kids. I say its a necessity for everyone. There is however no reason you cannot have fun at your place of work. Hopefully you will be working in a field that you enjoy but if you are like 90% of everyone else and your working somewhere just to get by then make the most of it. Living your life with nothing to regret is about doing your best at all times because even if you fail you can feel good knowing you tried your damnedest.

Something I have been trying to do is to create more I-thou relationships with the people I encounter in everyday life. Instead of the typical I-it in which the person who serves you coffee is just a machine that provides a service. Take time to talk to them. Learn something about them. Genuinely care about what they have to say. You can go a long way by just caring about people. The old saying is completely true, you get way more flies with honey then with vinegar. Imagine yourself in their shoes. The opposite is also true. When you are working and you are doing your job and someone is not nice to you take that as a challenge to make them feel better. When that customer in line gets fussy about having to wait brush off their anger and realize there are so many reasons they could be in a bad mood. Maybe their dog died earlier that morning and they really don't want to run errands but have to. I had that exact thing happen to me. A guy screamed at me because there was a line at the cash register. Is it fair? No, but it was not something either of us could completely control. Everyone has their off days. Everyone messes up from time to time. I'm sure I have let loose on someone for something that wasn't their fault. You have to realize that we are all not so different. Sure everyone has a different past but inside we all deal with the same emotions. We all have cried, screamed and laughed. The more understanding you can be when someone is having problems the better the world will be. Who knows it might be your concern that turns their day around. Really making someone feel better is the best thing you could do with your time.